Why you are here
Maybe you struggle to know whether it’s you or them.
Maybe you’ve read all the books, listened to the podcasts, spent years in therapy — but still find yourself stuck in the same old patterns. You keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, or struggle in relationships no matter how much work you do. So… why isn’t the work working?
When you're doing the work from a place of fear — “I need to change or they’ll leave me!” — or urgency — “I have to meet someone now or I’ll end up alone!” — you’re actually reinforcing the very patterns you’re trying to break.
You judge yourself harshly when you get triggered, spiral into shame, and fall into old reactions like people-pleasing, withdrawal, or anger.
But here’s the shift:
It’s not about pushing harder — it’s about relating differently.
Healing begins when you stop fighting your anxiety and start meeting it with compassion.
What if that anxious feeling is just a younger part of you, reaching out for reassurance and safety?
Most traditional approaches work only with your conscious mind, trying to change your thought patterns and intentional choices, but missing the part that actually runs the show: your nervous system. Until you address the underlying biology, no amount of affirmations or cognitive tools will stick. Once you start from your body — creating safety from within — you lay the foundation for real, lasting change.
What slows your healing down:
Trying to think your way out of patterns that live in the body (when you’re triggered you lose access to your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for clear thing and decision making)
Treating your anxiety like a problem to be eliminated
Rushing the process or aiming for perfection
Believing there’s something broken or unfixable about you
Focusing on your partner and waiting them to partner to change, instead of shifting the focus inward
The missing piece is nervous system regulation.
