Know your patterns, but still can’t break them?
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. I know how frustrating it is, and I can help.
You've read the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe even gone to therapy. You understand why you react the way you do, but not how to stop. You overthink. Cross your own boundaries. Chase, pull away, and feel shame after. All the best intentions and all the knowledge goes out the window when you get triggered.
It’s not about willpower.
Most people try to think their way out of their patterns.
The problem is that when your nervous system detects danger, it becomes much harder to access the part of your brain responsible for clear thinking and decision making. It's not because you're broken, it’s because your brain is doing exactly what it evolved to do: keep you alive.
You're not supposed to think your way out of a fire, you're supposed to run. It’s biology.
Breaking old patterns is not about training your brain to think better, it’s about teaching your body that it is safe to respond differently. That's exactly what we'll practice together.
Client voice:
“Elisabeth has helped me a lot during a very heavy time in my life. I have felt very safe and understood in our conversations. The combination of warmth, nervous system regulation, interoception, and IFS has helped me more than I thought possible. Very grateful for all the support I have received from her.”
Anna
Hi, I’m Elisabeth.
I believe most people don't need more insight. They need help turning insight into change. As an ICF trained coach with university studies in psychology, I combine science, practical tools, and lived experience to help individuals and couples create lasting change.
Client voice:
I was stuck in unconscious old patterns, guarded and afraid of vulnerability. Coaching has unlocked so many blockages, I’ve learned how to regulate my nervous system and connect with my inner child. Now I am kinder to myself and dating is waaay more fun!”
Renata
My method is grounded in nervous system regulation, attachment theory, and stress physiology, and includes IFS-inspired partwork, somatic practices, and practical relational skills.
Together, these tools help us work with what happens in the moment, so you can build more awareness, self-trust, and choice.
The goal is not only to understand your patterns, but to change how they show up in real life.
The work is centered around three simple steps: Notice. Regulate. Choose.
Simple does not mean it is easy to master, but once you do, it’s life-changing.
How I work
1. Notice.
Learn to notice the first signs that your nervous system is becoming activated. Most people notice after they already sent the text, escalated the fight, or completely shut down their emotions. I will help you train your ability to catch it much quicker.
2. Regulate.
Regulation starts with a pause long enough to access the tools you already have. Instead of running on autopilot and diving straight into old patterns you will learn how to regulate yourself enough to choose differently. This is usually the most challenging step, and it is normal to need some practice here. The goal is not to never be triggered, it’s to have more choice when you are.
3. Choose.
You will build the ability to create enough space to choose, rather than letting your nervous system choose for you. Once you are less activated and your frontal lobe is back in the game, you can choose how you want to move forward. Do you need to draw a boundary? Express a need? Do you need to communicate something or can you let it go without any further action?
What we can work on
If you recognise yourself in some of these patterns, you are in the right place:
You constantly overthink and second guess yourself
Dating leaves you anxious, confused, or emotionally exhausted
You find it hard to trust your gut feeling
You keep ending up in the same relationship dynamics
You want to give people a chance (but they always disappoint you)
You struggle with boundaries
You’re easily triggered or overwhelmed
You are great at adapting to others, but tend to lose yourself
Conflicts feel scary and you avoid them OR
A relationship without conflicts and drama feels boring
You know it’s working when
Here are some signs you are moving forward:
You can notice when you’re activated.
You can pause before reacting.
You can handle difficult emotions instead of running from them.
You have a stronger sense of self-worth and self-trust.
You can set boundaries and communicate needs.
You feel more self-compassion than shame when you mess up.
You can tell the difference between what you need from a partner, and what needs you have to learn to meet yourself.
You trust that the right person will want to meet your needs.
You understand when to stay, and you have the strength to let go of what’s not right for you.
You no longer feel like love has to be earned through effort or perfection.
You trust your intuition.
You care more about protecting your peace than proving your worth.
You feel more calm and grounded.
This is the direction we work towards. Not perfection, but more freedom, choice, and security in yourself and your relationships.
How long does it take?
Most of the time, this is not a quick fix. Patterns that run deep take time to change.
Although I always ask what your goal is, that is something that can change over time. In the beginning, it can even be difficult to imagine what “healed” would look like. Healing is a process, and it is often the small steps along the way that matter most.
Creating new neural pathways in the brain is just like building a muscle. It takes repetition, consistency, and practice. That is why I generally prefer to work long term, giving you enough time to create changes that actually last.
That said, every situation is different. Couples often come with a specific issue they want help resolving, while individual clients tend to stay longer, using our sessions as a safe space to build a more secure relationship with themselves and others.
I usually recommend starting with five sessions. By then, we will both have a much better sense of what you need and what kind of support feels right moving forward.
I often work with clients experiencing:
Abusive relationships
Being an adult child of emotionally immature parents
Burnout
Childhood emotional neglect
Co-dependency
C-PTSD
Insecure attachment
Neurodiversity
I also regularly work with LGBTQ+ clients and people in ethical non-monogamous relationships.
More client voices…
“Elisabeth is the best coach ever, and I can highly recommend her. I was stuck in old patterns, constantly encountering the same red flags. But thanks to the self work I’ve been coached through, I now find myself, for the first time, in a secure, stable and loving relationship.”
Alina
“When I started my coaching I had a very different idea of what I needed help with and looking back on it now I was pretty naive. Every session I’ve had with Elisabeth has given me new insights about myself and my previous patterns, and it’s been a very healing process for me.”
Finn
“Elisabeth created such a safe space where I never felt judged. I always felt in charge of what I wanted to talk about, and she helped me find solutions and a good way forward. I would definitely recommend Elisabeth as a coach.”
Ida
“My relationship had just ended and I was devastated. I didn't understand why it had happened, felt alone and helpless and was looking for help. And I found that in my sessions with Elisabeth. She's a great coach, warm and understanding and I felt like I could talk to her about everything. With her help, I was able to detect my patterns, where they come from and how I can change them. And what really helped me: she showed me that my feelings are ok, that I am not the only one feeling like that and that I am entitled to feel all my feelings - good or bad. I am very grateful for our work together and I will keep working on myself.”
Angelika
Successful dating
Healthy relationships
Breaking patterns
